Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
It has been long and tiring week.
On Wednesday morning, as I drove to work, I was haunted by the notion that there is no person that I have trusted at some point who had not betrayed my trust, often in some blatantly public and extremely unpleasant way.
And then - I had a car crash.
It was raining and I was driving downhill and there was one black Clio coming out of the park-drive and I tried to stop and Fabia behind me tried to stop also - but failed. As the car behind me crashed into my Twingo I remember watching through rear view mirror and seeing big cloud of hair and I felt my right hand clutching steering wheel and my wrist exploding in a searing pain.
I got out of the car and told the very beautiful girl driver; "It hurt like a motherfucker!"
We moved our cars a bit so traffic could continue and then filled out traffic-accident forms, exchanged phone numbers and left for work.
Sadly, my car was really inconveniently damaged and I think this will be one very expensive repair. Also this had made ten more problems - all of the wrath-kindling kind - but beautiful girl driver proved so far to be wonderful and mild-tempered creature, with magical smile and persuasively apologetic of this whole incident - so much so that she restored my faith in myself and trust.
I am not guilty for people betraying my trust. People do sometimes betray trust of others and that could be preempted with not trusting them. But if I'm not trusting anyone - I'm not communicating with anyone. They do not reach my "soft center" and I do not reach their.
That alone makes us dislodged from humanity.
So I'll take my chances trusting people, still.
* * *
The photo above I took on my business trip on Friday at Varazdin General Hospital. My colleague was driving and we got there and I was tired because I didn't sleep much and angry because of some other crap my ex-spouse is serving me with and tired of all this and in Varazdin sun was shining and it smelled of autumn and coffee and pastries and we bought some coffee and pastries and ate them on third story balcony surrounded with these fake walnuts. When I got home I searched web a bit and they seem like Juglans Nigra to me.
And now it is Saturday and I made myself wonderful hot chilies toast sandwich lunch and I enjoyed it with a cold beer and Future Islands music and all is well.
World is properly aligned again and my heart is at ease.
I will trust again.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I've been knitting like mad last few days because keeping busy helps me think and also if I do not think of anything worthwhile I have something else to show for my time. So during my mad-knitting-marathon I (among other things) made this yellow garter stitch set in the picture above.
This already belongs to my offspringess who chose the yarn.
It was one skein of (I fear long discontinued) "filati cervinia caprice plus" in lemon-yellow (50g 133m/146 yds) and it became one set of Ysolda's Garter Stitch Mitts and small garter stitch scarf (3 mm needles, 20 stitches across).
Monday, October 24, 2011
As you can see by photo quality above - we're in another league altogether today.
I confess: I do not remember when was the last time I forgot my mobile (which is my most loved possession, also being my camera, computer, internet window and reminder) at home when leaving for anywhere, much less concert night, but this time I was in luck because my lovely friend E saved me with some really good photos. Also, this streak of relaxation and absence of neurotic need for control was kind of landmark for the evening - a kind of laissez faire flag - that was planted in this evening like it would be in a seized mountain peak.
I liked the gig.
It was a peculiar, unconstricted performance, oddly reminiscent of less fervent times. There was good music, there was friendship, there was cheap liquor, there was most beautiful well groomed redhead in the audience.
Arrangements were different. My friend said: "This is so funny. People used to hear this songs played as punk/rock songs and what they got was singing around a campfire." but it was a beautiful campfire singalong! I liked how they moved around a lot, went backstage and back onstage again, how they were all different - and scorpios! to add - but they shined agreeableness, friendship and pure joy of performing for us. They played a bit each and they talked and were funny and nice. I liked Snodgrasses' parts the most (he has beautiful, beautiful voice that sends shivers down my musical spine) but it was all very inspiring and I felt motivated to research and to listen to more of their music.
In addition, all this was instrumental for me to make myself proud of myself again.
It has been years since the last time I introduced myself to anyone I'm interested in or admire. I mean... I meet people every day, I work with people and no adversary makes me cringe... but it has literally been years since I introduced myself to anyone I admire. I just tagged along people who do it and enjoyed vicariously in the experience.
But this gig helped me re-attach my broken old self.
And I also met someone I admire.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
It was raining beautifully when we woke up for school and work. Sky was dark, morning was nowhere to be seen.
With dissapointed yelps we got up and went on with our day.
It seems my offspringess likes school. It has been a month already and she talks what they did and how they socialize with fondness and confidence. My fears are melting like dry ice.
Workday was nauseatingly stressful but I loved it. I love when there's no idling time away. I love how I reorganized stuff. I love ease that new organization brings. Then I have time to gaze through my cellar window.
To enjoy my view from the coal mine :grin:
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
The sunrise was so wonderful this morning I had to try to capture some while driving to work through Gornje Vrapce. Road was empty and there were fog-feathers stuck in between houses and hills.
Last night I watched Ping Pong (2002.) and I loved it. I loved the nonchalance the actors brought into performance, I loved the cinematics and fun camera work and I absolutely loved how the complex story of rekindling and rediscovering one's dreams was told in a few well chosen details.
The things that direct our paths are so inconspicuous.
As I worked out, before going to bed, I thought about how it was a really good thing for me to break elbow last year. I never could do push-ups worth mentioning and now if I encountered someone who'd say: "Drop down and give me 20!" I could do just that.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Last night I went to see punk/rock gig at Spunk.
On Last.fm event page there was an interesting poster and a short blurb announcing the performance of some young Parisians and Zagreb/Sendai kamikaze The Welcomin' Committee in Flames and that alone piqued my interest. And although it could be argued that this attains to my recent proclivity to check out all things Japanese - even when things clearly mean people - this was not the case. Word on WCIF's energetic performance and fun showmanship caught up with me long before now. Only thing left to do was to go and check for myself were the commenters rather generous on account of friendship and units of alcohol ingested and it turned out this was not the case.
The Welcomin' Committee in Flames most definitely delivered as expected and then some as they managed to, against all odds, sound and look great while performing in mere five square feet of smoke filled space. They were fun to watch, in good spirits, visually show-oriented, sexy. Their music still got across as firm, aggressive, dance and anthemic stuff of legend even though in far from perfect acoustic conditions. It was a pleasure to be there and I was very content with this gig as time well spent even before "main attraction" got to the stage.
And it was good that I was already so pleased...
... because main attraction sucked to high heavens.
As it turned out, Catholic Spray sport no more than beautifully ingenious name. Although they look as if they're making music and prowl the stage fairly confidently they sound like a bloody mess; unclean, withheld, noisy and broken. The horrible shrieking was too much for me so I left a bit of abruptly but driving home I decided to give them another go on account of discrepancy sometimes found in judging someone's music from live against recorded performance. I listened to their stuff two times more on last.fm and on myspace and they sound as bad here as they sounded live. I can imagine other people having taste for music like this but I could not stomach it, even as there was no effort spared on my part.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Floral forest in the picture above is our very own Jerusalem artichoke patch in our garden. They're almost ready to be unearthed and harvested but they look so lovely in bloom so we're leaving them a bit more to stand guard.
Autumn came without frost. Air is crisp and sun most beautifully yellow, making remaining green alive and crystalline.
It is beyond pleasure to knit beside remaining heliathuses in a garden warmed by the sun .
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I know I have crossed the border between tired and exhausted because I fall asleep in the middle of doing something in the evening and I wake up right at the moment when clock rings in the morning dragging my feet out of sticky-swamp-dream-mud.
Work-people are making me mad and innablity to implement positive changes is making me madder still.
But there are moments of pure joy in my day also.
Like these here kiwis I photographed in my neighbor's yard. I never knew they look so beautiful still attached to mother-plant.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
There was a moment about a month ago when I realised I watch far too many indie gigs and that resolute action is needed to re-direct myself to better music homeostasis.One of attempts to mend my ways was going to see Rikk Agnew play at KSET and it was invigorating remedial fit.
Black Gust was just starting to play when I arrived. As this was my first time to see them play and there is little to none information on them available on the net I left myself some space to be surprised but sadly, it didn't really help. Allthough there was some raw power in the decibels they were far too much screamo for my taste. Lead singer has weird mannirisms singing - keeping his eyes closed all the time and making awkward gestures with his tongue - I was under more impression of what I saw then of what I heard but that seemed all right because from all that unintelligible screaming it seemed he just sings same words over and over on top of different music. Combined image of that performance and of strangely hick female posse afterward did not leave very good impression but I wish them luck as I definitely see interested clientelle in their future.
After a loooong break and sound check Rikk Agnew and his babies arived and it was as fun to watch as it was to listen. Toothless grandpa (as he stressed out during more then a few age-related jokes) has gathered musicians from all around the globe and he seemed happy to have them with just as they seemed to love his quirkiness. It was pure magic seeing them play and seeing the crowd respond - it felt like a gathering of comrades in arms more than a concert and I loved being there, mumbling away the lyrics and watching out for signs of too close mosh movements.
It ended with just one more song AFTER we were warned of curfew and I scuttled away into the night happily and with batteries filled for yet another stress filled day.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
My dear friend had birthday last week and I made her this set in the picture.
It comes with a funny story;
We work together and see each other almost every day but we're both struggling to keep our relationship both personal and business - trying to keep the distance needed to get things done and closeness to overcome mere acquaintance stage. As hours are long but time is short we don't really get to share much of personal information.
Incidentally, few days ago we chatted a bit and somehow we got to the topic of birthdays - and she said hers is one week from then and I remembered that I already know what would I like to give her as a birthday present. She is a doctor and I usually see her in white uniform. About two months ago she was on rounds and I saw her in purple uniform shirt - she looked so lovely and it suited her so well I was really struck with that image and when she said her birthday is close I immediately decided to make her a jewelry set connecting those two images - her in white and in purple and general feel of cute relaxed confidence.
And it all got out as this set; unique hand-made fimo beads, some glass beads and some golden jewelry pins, rings and clasps.
She loved the present but there is one more bit to this story.
Later I worked in another room and her colleague came to me and said "Oh, I saw that set you made for T. It is great but how did you know purple was her favorite color?"
Monday, October 3, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Last night it was my third time to watch Handsome Furs.
I went to see them at Teatar &TD in 2008.
I have also watched them play at KSET in 2009.
They warm my heart and align the world to be better, friendlier and love-filled place.
There is a shout on the event page on last.fm (in Croatian) saying something like: "this attractive furries like us very much, it would seem :-)" and it would seem that they really, really do - and we love them back just as much.
Yesterday there were so many people at Tvornica Furs were frenzied with joy - almost so overwhelmed with happiness they shared half as much stories between songs (from what they usually do) with us but they were magnificent nevertheless. It is a celebration of love and of work well spent and of passion and of life to be with them there, for a brief moment forgetting the toil of everyday existence and being filled up with positive vibrations, with beauty of music and success of people who show - from performance to performance - that they richly deserve all the success they can get.